Life has been exhausting and so draining in the last, what, five days? I don’t even know what day of the week it is to be honest with you.
My mother-in-law was admitted to the ICU since last Thursday and her back surgery was (obviously) cancelled because of her state. She started slipping hard and then all of a sudden on Sunday morning, pretty much just after I got back from my overnight visit at the farm, we got a call from Jeff’s dad informing us that she was declining and fast and that we needed to come up north immediately.Long story short, she was moved to a beautiful hospice on Monday and removed from all monitors except being medicated for her pain management so that she’s comfortable and doesn’t suffer any. Her oxygen saturation levels dipped dangerously low, and her heart was beating irregularly in tachycardia, with bouts of apnea. The saddest was that she had to be restrained because she was on a high pressure oxygen mask that resembled a jet fighter mask and she was none to happy about that and trying to rip it off her face.
With no numbers or monitors to further fixate on, we now don’t know what her oxygen sat is at, nor how her heart is, but it does not matter at this point. This place is just a nicer, homey place for her to transition than dying in an ICU room.
She is slowly slipping away on us and if you ask me, she is already gone, it’s just her body fighting to not let go at this point.
She was always a strong, stubborn and independent lady and even thick in the throes of her passing, she is still fighting it. And it’s so friggin sad seeing her like this. Seeing her husband sob about losing his best friend, his constant for the last 45 years. Seeing my husband break down, it just tears you apart. It’s heart breaking; we just all wish this was over so she can finally, truly rest. It’s time….
Jeff and I finally went home last night after having been in the same clothes for three days, not having showered and just knackered with exhaustion and grief. Naturally, the second we got in the door, we got a call from hospice saying she was slipping further, her skin mottling, her hands and feet getting cold and breathing that is present near death…. but when I called back two hours later, didn’t the woman make a come back and her respirations increased, her apnea lessened… You see what I mean when I say that this woman is a friggin fighter, even til the bitter end?! Its insane.
So that’s my week. We’re back up today, Jeff driving up ahead of me and grabbing his aunt along the way, and me coming up in my mother’s car about an hour and a half behind him, because I had worked remotely this morning trying to contain some ‘fires’ and shit at work.
Work has been unbelievably supportive for both of us and we’re so grateful for my aunt helping out with the dogs during this crazy stressful time.
And this hospice, I can’t say enough good things about this place. The staff, the care and the hospitality, it’s really really nice.
So how are you? Tell me, because anything is distracting and welcoming at this point.
I also wanted to take the time to thank everyone that’s been messaging me or sending supportive thoughts and messages. It has been much appreciated and comforting to us all. Thank you.
I will share my overnight visit farm photos from last weekend next week after this weekend’s pet sitting weekend, I will just include those with my recap.