Venting 6

Venting

I should’ve posted this a few weeks back when I initially wrote it, but then I didn’t and I thought better of it at the time.  Now I’ve just decided f*ck it, just post it, Lindsay. So here’s something from a couple of weeks ago when I was in such a mood, I needed to vent bad!

Venting

I’m upset and overwhelmed and frustrated and angry. 

Why is my body screaming out and failing on me?

Why am I the person that constantly gets shit on or dumped on?  

Why do I take on so much?

Why don’t I ask for (more) help?

Why can’t I just take a deep breath and let it all go? Just let shit roll off my back…

I’m so fucking tired of coming home and doing the same bullshit day in and day out?

I’m fucking tired. And I’m physically in pain and tired of this crap.  My right leg is jacked. Actually, the entire right side is jacked and radiating. I believe I’ve got a pinched nerve in my leg or it’s the sciatica nerve. Everything got worse on Thursday afternoon and I’m fucking miserable. I just want to run away and hide for a day.  [<—-Update: L1-L3 strain issues because my hips out of alignment, which was pinching the femoral nerve, which explains the numbing/tingly  and electrical feelings I’ve been having.  So, no GRIT classes, no explosive movements, no squats, no lunges, no lower body anything EXCEPT for spinning… for 14 days. Uuughhh. And I can do upper body and core, of course. But my left shoulderis protesting this shit too….  *sad face*]

I’m so much better than this complaining little twit over here.  

I think I need to go back to the days where I stopped stressing about all of the components of what makes a good blog post and to just write, and feel god dammit.

I’m going to try an honest attempt at Nano Poblano for the month of November (it is a variation of NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month)) and post something on the daily. I can already predict it’s not going to last but I’ll make a valiant effort to do so.  To read up more on Nano Poblano, head on over to Shree’s blog.

I’m feeling slightly better now that I’ve got some shit off my chest. Sometimes I just need to vent and let it all out. I don’t really have someone I can let it all out to at home other than two that matter the most.  There’s Jeff and then there’s my mom. I inevitably take shit out on Jeff and it’s so unfair to him and he’s such a trooper for putting up with me. I just wish sometimes I had a best girlfriend in the flesh, someone I know who’d have my back and never judge me for feeling down. And it would nice to have a hug from time to time. 

NanoPoblano Peeps this month are:

Ra @ Rarasaur
Julie @ Bug Bytes
Bill @ Bill Friday
Elsie @ Ramblings of a writer
Jessie @ Behind the Willows
Anita Shree @ Heartsongs blog
Sarina @ Shining Seeds Blog
Lori @ LoriStory Blog
Kasturika @ Musings of an eccentric mind
Lorna @ Gin & Lemonade Blog 
Angie @ The Muses Words
Varuna @ Vanilla With Sprinkles
Ghost @ Teleportingweena
Sibelius Russell @ Consolations Many Form Blog
Sarah @ Mother of Serendipity
Juliette Kings @ Vampire Maman
Lindsay @ The Flynnigans Blog 
Emily @ Zombie Flamingos Blog 
Carolyn R Owens @ Infinity Coaching Leadership Blog
Kitty Litterbox @ Litterbox Riot Blog 
Erica @ The Broken Spine Blog 
Erica @ The Ink Slinger Blog 
Charlene @ The Illusion Of Controlled Chaos Blog 
Sahara @ I Didn’t Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving Blog
Briton @ Punk Rock Papa Blog
Kim @ Drunk On Life Blog 
David Ellis @ TooFullToWrite Blog
Tooks @ mrtookles (insta-blog)
Kate @ Will Wally Wonder 
Varad @ Loose End of the Red Thread
The Don @ Blended in the Middle Blog 
Palak @ Expressions Blog 
Victoria @ The Loneliness of the Stay-at-Home-Mother Blog 
Namratha @ NamySaysSo Blog 
Ka Malana @ Fiestaestrellas!
Edward @ Edward Fagan Blog
Robert @ Fresh Off the Pad Poetry
Lizzie Ward @ Cats and Chocolate Blog 
Jesska @ Not Throwing Stones
Quixie @ Quixie’s Mind Palace
Heather @ tUrtlettE Blog 
Sarah @ TZBlog
Matt @ The Matticus Kingdom
Cyn @ That Cynking Feeling

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  • I’m sorry you are feeling like this and that you are in so much pain.
    Take it easy is easier said than done but believe me your body will thank you when the 14 days are over. I know how frustrating it can be when you want to do something and your body is needing to rest instead.
    7 years ago I shattered my elbow (I fainted and landed on it). I felt like my body had failed me and it was a really low time for me. I had to have an op and recovery was not a super quick process. My mother looked after me during the day and hubby would fetch me in the evenings for 2 weeks before I could go back to work. I couldn’t get the elbow wet so I had to be bathed for months. It was really frustrating at times.
    However I didn’t push it, just listened to what my Dr said, did my arm exercises and my left elbow is as strong as my right. The scar is the only reminder of it.
    Try use the opportunity to do something for yourself – blogging everyday sounds great. The time will go quickly if you are busy. Always here if you want to chat.
    Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts your way.
    xx

  • San

    So, NanoPoblano is a split-off group for NaBloPoMo? They should officially take it over, because I think NaBloPoMo has no official host anymore.. 😉 So either way, looking forward to the merry posting!

    Also: feel better. Sometimes, it helps to vent and I am all for it!

  • I’m just catching up on visiting and commenting, so am just seeing this. I’m sorry you’ve been having such a difficult go at things; sometimes it feels like stuff happens all at once. And when it does, it’s supremely frustrating. So good for you for venting, and getting it out. Be good to yourself. Is there something you can do that’s just for you? If not, there’s always snuggles with the boys!

  • Dear god your elbow break and recovery sounds painful and long. I think sometimes things like in my case are a reminder to slow the F down. Obviously not for you since you fainted. I’m now past 14 days and am anticipating this stretch to go at least four weeks, if not longer. Spinning has been good and I did all last week and yesterday. I had a massage and some cupping last night so I’m hoping that draws some crap up and out. The marks on my back are pretty funky.

    I’ll be back to it eventually but I’m going to have to ease back in. It’s incredible how quickly you lose the endurance and strength in something when you don’t do it for a short while, but the body doesn’t forget and it doesn’t take long to get back to your usual, at least that’s what I’ve found to be true in my case.

    Thank you so much hun. You’re always such a great support and a kind friend. I sincerely appreciate it. 🙂 xoxo

  • I think so, yes. I have no idea though. Lol! From what I can tell, there’s a small list of peeps doing the Poblano… so many do the NaBloPoMo anymore or is that fizzling out because of the no host thing? I kind of stumbled upon this reading another blog and then looked into it more in October and thought, why not?! Something to do, right? And I always like a challenge. 🙂

    Venting always makes me feel better. 🙂

  • So I sometimes write and then stop and don’t post out of fear. I used to post whatever, whenever before I gave a crap about SEO and all that other blog stuff but I’m finding that I need to go back to that. Short daily or very other day posts if for nothing else but you get *hit off my chest. It always feels so much better once youve rid yourself of whatever is bothering you or on your mind.
    The gym is my happy place to vent, and so is blogging and reading. I’m actually going away in a week and a half with some girlfriends to a spa and resort town to just relax and unwind, and I’m so looking forward to it. 🙂

    My mom had the dogs for five days and we just reunited with them last night after she left for Cuba. God how we missed them and it was adorable to see them happy and loving on jeff who was equally excited to see them as they were he. 🙂 Love these little happy reunions.