Stressed 18

Old garage and dog

I started writing this last week but then abandoned it, and now I’m picking it back up again because nothing has changed since then. Two work days in a row have left me hiding in the handicap washroom so I can cry like a little bitch.

Is it the time of year? Is it work? Is it everything? Because everything right now is overwhelming and is stressing me the fu*k out. I feel unwanted and unneeded by so many people around me and when I feel like this and my self-esteem is in the dumps, it’s so hard to put one foot in front of the other when all I feel like doing is crying and sleeping.

Feeling disconnected from people and feeling uneasy about relationships is such a shitty feeling.

I eavesdrop on conversations because you don’t talk to me, and when you do it’s filler… it’s not meaningful or engaging…. which then makes me feel like what’s the point of even trying when it doesn’t matter? You constantly poke and correct me and make me feel so small in public and in front of friends sometimes….. and it’s sad. It’s sad that you don’t even care about the words that come out of your mouth. You come across like you literally loathe me. Why are you so harsh? Do you have anything positive to say about me? Because I feel like you don’t. But what do my feelings matter anyways?

Feeling so fragile … and you can call me a snowflake or a sensitive bit$h, go ahead, I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me.

You only get what you give……

Forget this NanoPoblano that I’ve already failed at posting daily to… I think I’m just going to shut this place down and call it a day. I don’t make money doing this and what once brought me joy no longer does.

And you, you the reader over there who chastises me for doing something I enjoy: shame on you.  This is not a cry for sympathy or woe is me, I’m writing because this is MY space and mine do with as I please.

I’m 90% sure this will be the last year on my blog and some of my social media accounts may also be deleted, but which ones I’m unclear of at this moment.

I am immensely grateful for all the people I’ve met these last few years. Thank you all for reading and your friendship – I can’t thank you enough.  <3

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  • Nikki Frank-Hamilton

    Oh Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it all away. You are a special, beautiful, gorgeous human and I <3 you.

  • Kim Munoz

    Time out! Whos ass am Im kicking. I may be all of 5 ft, but I will for real crotch kick a B for you! This time of the year is hard on a lot of people. The weather, early sunsets, its so easy to fall into the dark. Sending you all the hugs and love!

  • Oh Linds….

    This post breaks my heart for you. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this and I am here for you in whatever way you need. Why do you have to live so far away?! This time of year is especially difficult but it sounds as though there are multiple things in life that are pulling you down.

    And the stuff happening in your relationships—that’s hard to ignore. Your feelings are valid and you need to speak them more often: both in this space and out loud, too.

    Let me know what I can do and deep breaths because you are one of the strongest mother effers I know and I would hate to see you leave us. Sorry, that’s probably really selfish, but it’s true. I can’t imagine blogging without you.

    Also I heart Kim. Her comment is just the sweetest <3

  • Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re ‘less than’ because you’re not. I’ll miss you terribly if you leave, but promise I still get to see the boys sometimes, I need updates!

  • Mary Kalpos

    Whoa, did I miss a chapter? I hope you take some time for yourself and then after the new year has come you might reconsider. Maybe the blog will once again become your space to do with as you want. <3 Sending lots of hugs your way!!

  • My sweet Lindsay – so much love your way. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do. You are NOT less than. You are strong. You are beautiful. And you are my friend. I hug you through the screen super hard.

  • Oh no! I’m so sorry you are hurting right now. I love your blog, and your honesty and you too. Sending huge hugs!!! This time of year can be so hard. The holidays are so stressful for many, so maybe they are just taking their pain out on you. It isn’t right, and I hope they figure out their own stuff. You are amazing, but you do what you need to right now. I’ll always be here for you, and if you ever need an extra ear, I’m a good listener. XXXOOO

  • Lindsay, it makes me really sad that things are so tough right now. Please know that you do have friends who care. I am thinking of you, and sending peace and light your way!

  • {{{{HUGS}}}}

  • <3 I love you and thank just isn't enough for being there and being my friend. I wish you lived closer, Nik. XOXOXOX

  • You wouldn’t believe the WHO if I told you. But I’m trying to carry on and not give a fk. 🙂
    think it’s just everything piling up and the god damn weather/lack of sunshine. But I am feeling significantly better than last week, so that’s plus.
    Thank you for being such an awesome friend. Now if only we’d closer to each other, hmmm. That’s one thing that sucks – you can meet the greatest people online but they’re far away….. in any event, I’m grateful to have you in my life. <3

  • Just being there, or ‘here’ is much more than I could ever ask for. But now that you are, would you feel like up and moving to Canada to be my neighbor, please? 🙂 kidding!

    It’s just hard making friends in real life when you’re older, or simply finding people that aren’t so absorbed in their own shiz that will listen. I’m glad you’re never further than a short Skype call away and that alone is enough for me. You are such a kind and compassionate, selfless and loving person, Charlotte. Thank you for always being there. <3

  • Hey girl,
    Haven’t 100 % decides as yet but I don’t think I’m going anywhere. I like this space and if for nothing else but vomiting a bit of my life and sharing dog or animal pictures that make other people happy too?! I’m in.
    I really don’t understand why I let others actions and emotions affect my emotions like they do. I’m such a sensitive person and being any other way is so foreign to me. It’s somethig I’ve got to work on daily….
    Thank you for being such a kind person and being ‘there’ for me. xoxox

  • You missed nothing, Mary. Lol!
    I think I just need to recharge my batteries this holiday and try to come out on the other side with a better/positive outlook.
    Hugs and love my dear. Thank you for stopping by, I really appreciate it. xoxo

  • I love you. Thank you for being so kind and compassionate AND being my friend. If nothing else at all, I’m glad for the people I’ve met through blogging. <3 *hugs!!!*

  • xoxoxo

  • Thank you for your kind words. <3 I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere… I like this place too much and the people, the people always get me stay.
    Thank you for being my friend, Kevin….

  • Thanks so much for your kind and considerate words. I think I’m staying put, I like this place too much to let it go. If nothing else at all, I’m so grateful all the people I’ve met through blogging. You guys are some of the best and I wish we could all teleport to one place to just hang, relax. <3 Love you lady. xoxo