I started writing this last week but then abandoned it, and now I’m picking it back up again because nothing has changed since then. Two work days in a row have left me hiding in the handicap washroom so I can cry like a little bitch.
Is it the time of year? Is it work? Is it everything? Because everything right now is overwhelming and is stressing me the fu*k out. I feel unwanted and unneeded by so many people around me and when I feel like this and my self-esteem is in the dumps, it’s so hard to put one foot in front of the other when all I feel like doing is crying and sleeping.
Feeling disconnected from people and feeling uneasy about relationships is such a shitty feeling.
I eavesdrop on conversations because you don’t talk to me, and when you do it’s filler… it’s not meaningful or engaging…. which then makes me feel like what’s the point of even trying when it doesn’t matter? You constantly poke and correct me and make me feel so small in public and in front of friends sometimes….. and it’s sad. It’s sad that you don’t even care about the words that come out of your mouth. You come across like you literally loathe me. Why are you so harsh? Do you have anything positive to say about me? Because I feel like you don’t. But what do my feelings matter anyways?
Feeling so fragile … and you can call me a snowflake or a sensitive bit$h, go ahead, I don’t care, it doesn’t bother me.
You only get what you give……
Forget this NanoPoblano that I’ve already failed at posting daily to… I think I’m just going to shut this place down and call it a day. I don’t make money doing this and what once brought me joy no longer does.
And you, you the reader over there who chastises me for doing something I enjoy: shame on you. This is not a cry for sympathy or woe is me, I’m writing because this is MY space and mine do with as I please.
I’m 90% sure this will be the last year on my blog and some of my social media accounts may also be deleted, but which ones I’m unclear of at this moment.
I am immensely grateful for all the people I’ve met these last few years. Thank you all for reading and your friendship – I can’t thank you enough. <3